The Myth of “Fake It ‘Til You Make It”
Instead, simply say “I Don’t Know” and “I Could Use Some Help”
Too many times, leaders are told to “Fake It ‘Til You Make It” - especially in Silicon Valley and startup land. It's a comforting myth, one that suggests you can bluff your way through uncertainty and figure it out later. But here's the truth: Faking it does more damage than good. It’s high risk, low reward. It undermines trust, erodes credibility, and puts you on shaky ground - especially when you're leading teams, trying to influence your executive peers, or presenting to the board and investors.
The better approach? Take ownership. Say “I don’t have the answer right now, but I’ll respond shortly after this meeting.” Or if the truth is you simply don’t know, then simply say “I don’t know” but “I’ll find out quickly”.
In most cases of crisis, there are people out there in your network who do know, who have been through something similar before. When you ask them for help, it’s an opportunity to strengthen your network and your own personal learning. If nobody truly knows (like Covid or the SVB banking crisis), then everyone is in the crisis together. In any case, you are about to learn something very powerful to add to your own library of “Best Of’s”.
What About Imposter Syndrome?
“But I feel like an imposter,” you may be thinking. I can’t tell people I don’t know! They’ll then know I don’t know. “Imposter syndrome” is not real. Shed any type of that thinking immediately. Nobody knows everything. If that’s the gauge then everyone is an imposter. Not knowing something doesn’t make you an imposter, it means you are learning and getting better, smarter, stronger.
The Power of Admitting Uncertainty
What sets great leaders apart isn’t always having the answers - it's how they navigate uncertainty especially in crisis mode. When faced with the unknown, don’t scramble to present a false narrative of confidence.
Instead, be transparent. Be authentic. When I’m in a room with the board, my leadership team, or addressing the entire company during a critical moment, I always rely on a simple but effective framework to guide the conversation:
1. Here’s What I Know; Here’s What the Team Knows
2. Here’s What I Don’t Know; Here’s What the Team Doesn’t Know
3. Here’s When I Will Know; Here’s When the Team Will Know (the estimated time frame where there will be better data, insights, answers)
This framework creates clarity and cements trust. It signals to everyone in the room that while we may not have all the answers right now, we are on top of the situation, and we are committed to getting there.
Real Leaders Build Trust Through Transparency
I wrote about Trust requires Transparency last week and I’m continuing the theme this week.
Transparency is a powerful force in leadership. I first published my Top 12 Leadership Crisis Framework (linked also at end of article) when Covid hit in March of 2020.
I wrote and led webinars about crisis leadership again during the SVB banking crisis in April, 2023 and I’m saying it again here in the Fall of 2024. One of the most effective leadership moves you can make during a crisis or period of uncertainty is to simply acknowledge the reality of the situation and to provide as much historical context as possible vs other crisis events. You don’t fake it. You simply show us a a real human being, you address the fear first, and you focus on psychological safety first. You communicate honestly the situation, the potential impact, and the new urgent priorities.
Those of us who have been through three or more “financial cycles” and/or crisis events (2000-2001 “Dot Bomb”; 2008-09 Financial Crisis; Covid; SVB Banking), we owe it to the next generation to model “leadership crisis” especially when it’s “their first time.”
I’ve used the “Here’s What We Know, What We Don’t Know, and When We Will Know” framework in every leadership crisis I’ve faced - and I’ve watched as it diffused tension, built trust, and provided a clear path forward for my teams, company, the board, and investors.
When people understand where you stand and know you’re actively working on solutions, they stay engaged, feel reassured, and believe in your leadership. You band the team together in the face of adversity and you dig in and fight.
In contrast, when leaders try to fake confidence or offer empty reassurances, people can feel it. The room becomes tense, questions mount, and your credibility takes a hit.
Communication is the Key to Building Trust
In these moments, it’s not immediate answers that people need. What they need is to know that “You’ve Got This!” - that you’re fully engaged, working on it, and committed to keeping them in the loop. By promising transparency and following through, you keep the communication channels open, which is often more valuable than instant solutions.
Your leadership reputation won’t suffer by admitting you don’t have all the answers. In fact, it will soar because of your commitment to truth and transparency. People will trust you more, respect your approach, and rally behind your efforts. That's how you turn uncertainty into an opportunity for growth and connection.
Key Takeaways: Don't Fake It. Tell the Truth. Ask for Help.
Faking it only creates fragility in your leadership. Telling the truth, even when it’s uncomfortable, builds a foundation of trust that can withstand anything. The next time you're in a room full of interrogators, naysayers, and skeptics, don’t fear saying, “I don’t know.”
Instead, confidently present what you do know, what you don’t know, and when you’ll have more clarity. Then ask for help from anyone who you think can help. Ask for help from your former colleagues. Ask for help from your personal network. Ask who they might know who can help. Join and ask your professional communities such as the Operators Guild or Founders Circle Capitals - Circles.
It works every time.
*As always, if you're looking for more practical strategies on how to lead with authenticity, check out my previous posts on the Top 12 Leadership Crisis Framework and my SlideShare.
